My Why

Okay, honesty time. I filled out a form for the 21 day fix challenge group I was in a ways back. It asked to really dig deep and be emotional and explain the deep down reason you want to do this. So I did. When I finished, she had said what I wrote was really inspiring so...maybe it's time to share my why. So, here goes.

 
Why do I want to do ALL this. The reason I've been on this journey -this whole journey, not just this health and fitness part - is two fold. Nearly 4 years ago, I lost my fiance to a heart attack. We were expecting our 3rd child. My relationship with him was very complex yet still sort of fantastic. A very once in a lifetime thing. We managed to push each other to grow in ways I didn't know were possible. He started me on my journey and I didn't even know it yet. And seeing him grow and change and conquer so many, many things was pretty amazing too. Now that he's gone, I want to do the very best to grow and change in the ways that he showed me are possible. I want to move mountains, I want to be the very best version of me that is possible and I want, more than anything else, to make him proud of me.  That's the first why. 


And then there's the second why - a couple years after he was gone, I realized what it was I specifically wanted. I missed so much from losing him. But one of the bigger things was the way I felt when he would remind me how much I inspired HIM. Some may think it's a selfless thing, inspiring others, but really what you get in return can make you so happy to be you that it's really not. lol. I MISS that feeling. I LOVED that feeling. I loved that someone knew they could count on me to love them unconditionally and support them in whatever way they needed - even if that was hard sometimes. And I realized that was sort of what I wanted to do, what I NEED to do - I"m sort of built for it. I care. THAT is what I'm good at. I still don't know 100% what that means, exactly, but what little I do understand seems to be working. lol. I think that's why I became a girl scout leader - which I love doing.  So, the two tidbits go hand in hand in forming my complete why. 
 

In regards to workouts and healthier eating, I want to show who ever wants to know that I can do this - they can do this - we can do this. I want to do it for me, I want to do it for my kids because they deserve a healthier me who will be here for a long time and I want to do this for him so he can see that I'm following through on the exercising that he had wanted us to do but wasn't here long enough to start. (he wanted to get p90x. For both of us. I was less than enthused at the time. lol.)

THAT is my why.  What's YOURS?